Setting Yourself Up For Dating Success

Life comes at you fast!  If you’d told me a year ago that I’d be married, moving to the Upper East Side and considering babies…I’d tell you you were nuts.  Well…at least the UES/baby thing.  Because of online dating, I was planning a wedding this time last year.

Smart Things Your Mother Said...About Online Dating?

Whew! It’s been a little while since my last post and I’m happy to say that I can now sit upright, stand and walk without pain. This makes thinking about blog topics MUCH easier! I used to hear my mother say, “If you haven’t got your health, you haven’t got anything.” Guess what? She’s right. I think today’s blog is dedicated to the little pearls of wisdom my mother said while I was growing up, that I’m only now beginning to understand.


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A Note of Gratitude

I’m perfecting the art of writing flat on my back, my laptop resting on my knees. I tripped up the stairs (UP the stairs? Really?!) and now a few trips to the doctor and an MRI later, I can stand only as tall as a little, old lady. Really. My back is in spasm and I cannot stretch myself upright. Walking, in addition to making every muscle in my back ache, is downright embarrassing. One of my girlfriends posted the picture of Edna from the "Incredibles" on my facebook page…and she wasn’t wrong. A cane, in fact, is looking like a smart idea.

Don't Just Type, Do Something!

I communicated with a man who had the sharpest sense of humor I’d ever encountered online. For a week, we emailed several times a day, marveling at all we had in common, including the things that made us laugh. We quoted movies to each other and analyzed why Jean-Luc Picard on Star Trek: The Next Generation was waaaaay cooler than lame-ol’ Captain Kirk. It was undeniable. We had “intellectual” chemistry. (Please. If you can call Star Trek intellectual!)

Never Underestimate The Power of An Online Dating Headline

While searching for the love of my life online, I was especially proud of my arguably geeky headline: “Grammar Snob Seeks A Scrabble Opponent Who’s Got Game.” I thought I’d struck a nice balance and figured I was throwing these guys a softball—you know, an obvious topic they could bring up in the first email. Within two seconds of seeing my picture they knew that I was either a) cleverish b) snobbish or c) played Scrabble.

The Zen of Dating: Success Comes In Many Forms

I’m taking a beginning pottery class.

I sat at the wheel that first Saturday morning, certain that I was going to be a savant. I then proceeded to create a laughably tiny, off-center bowl that will probably hold paper clips on my desk the rest of my life. I should have scrapped it, but I had an emotional attachment to my first piece. That, and I couldn’t resist the idea of future clients asking if a child made it for me.

Picture Love: Your Dating Profile Shot Says a Ga-billion Words

Saturday afternoon I found myself riffling through a client’s tee shirts, helping him select the next look for his photo shoot in my apartment. He’s an objectively handsome man with a ton of personality, blue eyes and an athlete’s build. And did I mention he has a great job that he loves? And he loves his mother? He’s your basic catch.

Love Me For Who I Really Am: Being Honest in Your Online Dating Profile

Let’s talk about profiles and honesty.

When I first tried online dating, I was legally separated. Getting adjusted to life on my own and feeling more confident about the idea of dating, I accepted a dinner date with a young man who stabbed his steak with malice as he told me about his brother’s wedding plans.

He cut furiously into his filet: “And, I mean, I can’t believe that my brother and his fiancé are even consiiiidering getting married in Las Vegas, of all places,” he exhaled in utter disbelief. And disgust. He was getting his khakis in a bunch.

Don't Cut Him Short: Learning What You Really Want in Your Potential Online Match

Let's talk about the day I figured out the difference between what I really wanted and what I was told I wanted. Allow me to explain.

I was told that I wanted to be with a tall man.

My mother never said it, but the media was pretty clear. Handsome men, real men, desirable men, were tall. My father was 5’10”. My high school boyfriend was 5’10”. Not terribly tall, I’ve since discovered, but on the cusp of tall-enough-to-be-masculine.

So naturally, when I went online and was faced with the question of height parameters, I chose 5’10” to 7”4.” Because apparently in my mind, men couldn’t be too tall…only too short.

How Online Dating Taught Me To Be Myself

The other night my husband took me back to the barstool where we met almost two and a half years ago.

My online dating skills were a little rusty at the time, having taken a nearly year-long hiatus to date the “old-fashioned” way in Los Angeles. I thought I was pretty successful, but I managed to get blindsided and have my heart mangled two days before I moved back to New York. It was snowing at the platform at JFK where, wearing my ridiculously inappropriate LA “winter” coat, I hailed a cab. I shivered as I looked at the NYC skyline through the back window of the car, terrified of what I had to look forward to. It was January in New York. I was returning to my old life. And it was snowing. My sunny months learning to surf in LA felt like I’d closed my eyes and dreamed them. I blinked, and I was back in the cab, the lights of the Empire State Building looming ahead of me.

So Your Online Dating Profile Landed You A First Meeting....Now What?

I think I’m going to have “Just a coffee” tattooed on my forehead, because I say that phrase at least six times a day. And it is JUST a coffee. Well, that, and the chance to size each other up in person without being trapped in an expensive, two-hour dinner. Even if your potential match has the most gorgeous smile and you feel like what he’s written about opera and baseball is spot on with your own thoughts…just a coffee.

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Putting Yourself in a Target-Rich Environment

Since meeting my husband online, I’ve helped countless men and women with their dating profiles.“Why wouldn’t you go online?” I’d asked a particularly reluctant girlfriend last year. “Imagine that you’re waiting tables at a restaurant in the city, but that you’re dream is to be on Broadway.” Hope the producer sits down for lunch one day or take charge and go to the open-call auditions? Online dating is the open-call auditions of romance.

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Taking Life One Date at a Time

Welcome to my blog!

Although I became The Match Maven by accident (and what a happy one!), it’s no accident that I’m sharing these thoughts and stories with you. I hope that my insight and experiences, both personal and otherwise, will be entertaining and ultimately useful to you as you embark on your online dating journey. Learn from them. Maybe even laugh at my missteps. But most of all, don’t give up the dream!

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