Don't Just Type, Do Something!

I communicated with a man who had the sharpest sense of humor I’d ever encountered online. For a week, we emailed several times a day, marveling at all we had in common, including the things that made us laugh. We quoted movies to each other and analyzed why Jean-Luc Picard on Star Trek: The Next Generation was waaaaay cooler than lame-ol’ Captain Kirk. It was undeniable. We had “intellectual” chemistry. (Please. If you can call Star Trek intellectual!)

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I communicated with a man who had the sharpest sense of humor I’d ever encountered online. For a week, we emailed several times a day, marveling at all we had in common, including the things that made us laugh. We quoted movies to each other and analyzed why Jean-Luc Picard on Star Trek: The Next Generation was waaaaay cooler than lame-ol’ Captain Kirk. It was undeniable. We had “intellectual” chemistry. (Please. If you can call Star Trek intellectual!)

We planned to meet in a week, but I couldn’t wait. I emailed him for the fifth time that day to bump up our date. I wanted to skip drinks. Why don’t we just grab a bite after work?

I practically skipped to the door of my favorite Thai restaurant that evening and bounded over to the booth where he was sitting. When he lowered the menu, I knew.

He wasn’t “The One.”

It took .3 seconds to know that we had zero physical chemistry.

I sat down across from him and enjoyed a hurried meal. I smiled and even laughed. But when it came time to say “goodbye,” I knew it was the last time I’d see my Star Trek soul mate.

That evening I sent him an email that thanked him for meeting and told him the truth…that I didn’t think we had chemistry. But surely, he could read between the lines. We had plenty of chemistry over email. What had changed? We met. Now he knew that I didn’t find him physically attractive.

And I felt like an asshole.

I never set out to hurt someone’s feelings, so I quickly learned: do not communicate over email for very long!

The cleverness, the “chemistry” and synchronicity that you may feel when writing to your potential match is wonderful. But you aren’t online to make pen pals. You are online to find your partner. Your mate. Your person. You have to meet and feel that spark in order to take the next step.

So, write your clever e mail…to make plans for a drink as soon as possible. Gents? Ask for that phone number or offer yours up. Get the ball rolling, and get it rolling quickly.

Because it’s horrible turning someone down when you’ve communicated too long to sugarcoat it.

The truth can hurt. But meeting sooner than later can avoid the necessity for that conversation altogether.

XO, The Match Maven