So Your Online Dating Profile Landed You A First Meeting....Now What?

I think I’m going to have “Just a coffee” tattooed on my forehead, because I say that phrase at least six times a day. And it is JUST a coffee. Well, that, and the chance to size each other up in person without being trapped in an expensive, two-hour dinner. Even if your potential match has the most gorgeous smile and you feel like what he’s written about opera and baseball is spot on with your own thoughts…just a coffee.

***

A girlfriend was bemoaning whether or not she should meet a man who had contacted her online.

I said, “Just a coffee…”

I think I’m going to have “Just a coffee” tattooed on my forehead, because I say that phrase at least six times a day. And it is JUST a coffee. Well, that, and the chance to size each other up in person without being trapped in an expensive, two-hour dinner. Even if your potential match has the most gorgeous smile and you feel like what he’s written about opera and baseball is spot on with your own thoughts…just a coffee.

Remember, you want to get in front of your match as soon as possible and in an environment where it’s easy and safe for you to make a polite and speedy getaway. (I don’t recommend the 3am, I’m-cornered-in-the-booth-of-an-all-night-diner first meeting that I tried once. When I say, “as soon as possible,” it’s advisable that you don’t take me as literally as I once took myself….) It could even be a sensible, happy hour cocktail—the next day! Be sure to explain before arranging the meeting that you have dinner plans later, but that you’re really looking forward to meeting him. If you don’t tell him about your dinner plans and duck out early, you may risk hurting his feelings and dash what he hoped was going to be a date night. On the other hand, he may be taking my advice, too, and he’ll also have “dinner plans.”

Chances are, you’ll hit it off. And if you both ordered another round that you finished an hour ago and still, neither of you are moving from your bar stools…well, you can “check your texts” and say that your plans cancelled (assuming that you didn’t actually make other plans. I never recommend standing up friends.) Or leave the bar alone, having made a date to have dinner in a few days. Because, after all, your girlfriends are at that cute new restaurant on the Lower East Side and you have to make your 9.30 reservation.

Early in my online dating “career” (read: before I knew any better) I accepted a dinner date with a young lawyer. Don’t misunderstand me; the problem wasn’t that he was a lawyer, but that I hadn’t yet learned, “Just a coffee.” I ended up sitting across a steak from a boy who could have been my little brother, gesturing with his hands to illustrate just how thrilled he is that he has two people working under him at the firm. As he skipped from topic to topic without taking a breath, I felt guilty that I was going to smile and nod encouragingly throughout dinner, knowing full well that there wouldn’t be a second date. Luckily, he was enjoying chatting with himself so much, he had no inkling that things weren’t going well.

All of this could have been averted with a quick coffee. It doesn’t take more than thirteen seconds to know whether or not you are physically attracted to someone.

XO, The Match Maven