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Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Don't Cut Him Short: Learning What You Really Want in Your Potential Online Match

Let's talk about the day I figured out the difference between what I really wanted and what I was told I wanted. Allow me to explain.

I was told that I wanted to be with a tall man.

My mother never said it, but the media was pretty clear. Handsome men, real men, desirable men, were tall. My father was 5’10”. My high school boyfriend was 5’10”. Not terribly tall, I’ve since discovered, but on the cusp of tall-enough-to-be-masculine.

So naturally, when I went online and was faced with the question of height parameters, I chose 5’10” to 7”4.” Because apparently in my mind, men couldn’t be too tall…only too short.


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Let's talk about the day I figured out the difference between what I really wanted and what I was told I wanted. Allow me to explain.

I was told that I wanted to be with a tall man.

My mother never said it, but the media was pretty clear. Handsome men, real men, desirable men, were tall. My father was 5’10”. My high school boyfriend was 5’10”. Not terribly tall, I’ve since discovered, but on the cusp of tall-enough-to-be-masculine.

So naturally, when I went online and was faced with the question of height parameters, I chose 5’10” to 7”4.” Because apparently in my mind, men couldn’t be too tall…only too short.


After nearly a year of dating men online who met my height requirement, I came to understand something very important.

I didn’t care about height.

I had met and dated a man the analog way, and he was barely taller than I was. MAYbe he had two inches on me. Maybe.

When I returned to online dating, I decided to broaden my search. I lowered my height minimum…just to see how much it would change the men who showed up in my inbox. I soon discovered that with just a couple of inches, I had been cutting out a pretty hefty segment of the suitable male population in New York City.

If I hadn’t made that change, I never would have met my husband.

True Story.

I came to understand that it wasn’t height that was attractive to me, it was confidence. My husband is the hottest man I have ever had the pleasure of knowing and he’s 5’8”. He has this magical combination of interior and exterior traits that makes him like catnip to me. Oh, and he never bats an eye when I put on my highest heels. He’s comfortable with who he is.

Now, if only the media could get that idea into little girls’ heads…

XO, The Match Maven

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