Setting Yourself Up For Dating Success

Life comes at you fast!  If you’d told me a year ago that I’d be married, moving to the Upper East Side and considering babies…I’d tell you you were nuts.  Well…at least the UES/baby thing.  Because of online dating, I was planning a wedding this time last year.

***

Life comes at you fast!  If you’d told me a year ago that I’d be married, moving to the Upper East Side and considering babies…I’d tell you you were nuts.  Well…at least the UES/baby thing.  Because of online dating, I was planning a wedding this time last year.

Add to that a serious back injury, an audit by the IRS, a great vacation, return to Broadway and move across town before the New Year…I’d say I’ve been pretty busy with the 70 mile an hour curve balls life can throw at you…both woeful (IRS, boo!) AND wonderful (vacation, anyone?)

So let me tell you about the good stuff.

Adam and I spent ten days in Israel…and being the Match Maven, I’m nosy.  I asked every adorable girl eating hummus how she met guys… I wish I could say JDate is taking Israel by storm.  But going online isn’t anything many of the girls I spoke to really considered.

My husband and I were eating Israeli tapas at a bar in Jerusalem next to three early twenty-something.  They were adorable.  Check.  They were eating hummus.  Check.  Naturally, we struck up a conversation so I could get the low-down.

 “I’ve heard there’s JDate for Israel, but I think it’s just for hooking up,” said one particularly ambitious psychology student.

“So if you don’t go online, how do you meet guys?”

And it turns out that in Israel, good, old-fashioned introductions are still the way to go.

You know I believe in online dating.  But I also believe in taking a well-rounded approach…and that means trusting your friends to set you up.  Yep.  You heard it here.  Pretending that it’s 1955 isn’t such a bad idea when it comes to dating.

I’m not suggesting that your mother will have the best ideas of who is right for you.  She may have her ideal for you…but often times it doesn’t quite sync up with your own.  But your friends have a pretty good notion of what might work…  They’ve been there with you as you’ve made bad choices in exes, right?  In the past, they’ve probably wanted to shout at the movie screen of your dating life, “Don’t go in that door!”  Now’s their chance to set you up with that co-worker who loves Thai food, musicals and Ultimate Fighting.  He might be just the right balance of tough and tender…even for you.

And don’t forget to stay present in your daily life.  You never know when someone wonderful will stand next to you in line at your favorite coffee shop.  I once noticed a handsome Brit on the subway.  We got off at the same stop and he saw me go into the restaurant where I worked as a waitress.  A few hours later, he popped by and gave me his card.  We went on a couple of dates, but the chemistry wasn’t there. (We’re facebook friends now and he’s happily married with a few gorgeous children!)  But remember… you never know what can happen in your daily life.  If I hadn’t moved abroad shortly after meeting him, maybe he could have introduced me to an entire network of people I hadn’t known before.

And please, stay online!  It’s the best way to meet like-minded people who are probably interested in the same sort of relationship that you want.  There is somebody (and perhaps many people) for all of us.  Stay in that target-rich environment and introduce yourself to your next potential coffee date.  If your friends are fresh out of folks to set you up with, you get the amazing task of setting yourself up on blind dates.  That’s pretty much what online dating is all about…and it can be a fun and enlightening experience.


At the end of the day, you want to get out there.  You want to get more experience dating and figuring out what you are looking for in your potential partner. Take a three-pronged strategy to meeting people:  online dating, being present in your daily life and staying open to being set up.  Keep your eyes open for each other.  If you think you spot a potential love-connection for a friend, make it!  If you see a pretty girl at the water fountain at the gym, talk to her.  If you like his profile picture, send him a wink.

Because, remember…it’s just a coffee!  What’s forty minutes of your life?

XO, The Match Maven